Jeffrey Toobin Caught Mastering His Own Domain In Front of The New Yorker Magazine’s Top People On a Zoom Call

Talk about a man Toobin his own horn.

The New Yorker writer and Fake News CNN analyst Jeffrey Toobin didn’t simply expose himself during a Zoom work meeting, he was allegedly caught beating the Bishop, choking the chicken, burping the worm, in the call with some of the magazine’s top names and has now been suspended from the publication.  Had he not been a Fake News contributor who has lied repeatedly about Donald Trump he more-than-likely would have been fired.

“I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera,’’ the married 60-year-old Harvard Law School educated man said in a shocking admission to Vice, the outlet that broke story of the wincing incident Monday.  Of all the publications he could have confessed to he chose Vice.  His poor family.

“I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video,’’ he said.

“I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers.’’  What about the chicken and the worm?

Two individuals on the video call told Vice the virtual gathering was part of an election simulation last week that included New Yorker notables such as Jane Mayer, Evan Osnos, Masha Gessen and Jelani Cobb, including producers from the magazine and some from WNYC public radio.  In other words, they were all playing out scenarios in ways they could make it appear that Joe Biden won the election no matter how badly he lost.  Why else would a bunch of liberal hacks take part in an election simulation?

The two sources stated that at one point, it looked as if Toobin was taking another call and lowered his camera, and that’s when they saw him painting the pickle, flicking the bean, charming the cobra, getting busy with himself.

It was not clear what anyone else on the virtual call saw.  Let’s hope for their sake they weren’t exposed to the toobin going on.

Throughout the simulation, Osnos had been playing the role of Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden, Gessen was President Trump, Mayer represented establishment Republicans or RINOs, and Cobb stood in for the Democrats, the sources told Vice.  How come no one asked why they were even doing an election simulation?  Was it all part of the Democrat’s coming coup?

Toobin was supposed to be playing the part of the courts and not with his own gavel, while Andrew Marantz represented the far Right.  Sue Halpern played the part for the left and Dexter Filkins played the military.  How come there’s never a far left?  But I digress.

There was a pause in the coup training for those playing Democrats and Republicans to work on tactics together, and that’s when sources told Vice they saw Toobin pleasuring himself.

He then left the Zoom chat for a few minutes and called back in apparently unaware that his camera had been kept on for at least part of his lewd sex act, the sources said.

A spokeswoman for the New Yorker said, “Jeffrey Toobin has been suspended while we investigate the matter.”

The magazine’s editor, David Remnick, added in an e-mail to staffers, “Dear All, As you may have read in various news reports today, one of our writers, Jeff Toobin, was suspended after an incident on a Zoom call last week,’’ according to Vice.

“Please be assured that we take such matters seriously and that we are looking into it. Best, David,’’ Remnick said.

CNN said that The Toobman was taking time off from the cable news network where serves as a senior legal analyst when he’s not serving himself.

“Jeff Toobin has asked for some time off while he deals with a personal issue, which we have granted,” a network rep said.  How can he ever go back to work?  Maybe he should call Pee Wee Herman for a great one-liner to break the ice.

Toobin, a New Yorker staff writer, covered the OJ Simpson trial for the magazine back in the 1990s. He turned his coverage into a book, which fueled FX’s “The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story’’ in 2016.